For the first time i'm at a total loss for words to describe what I feel. I didn't think it possible to feel so much for someone. And I have felt strongly about so many people - my parents, friends, lovers. And yet there comes a leaf blown from the heavens , a soft angelic caress on your cheek that sends a million shivers down your spine and changes the way you look at the world in general. And what do you do when the leaf blows away and all you are left with is the emptiness of the bare walls that you stare into trying to find some kind of hope or reason. It will of course return in time but till then all you can do is shed a glistening tear onto the motionless floor and lay in the creases of your own hollowness. Miss you doesnt quite describe the pain of needless exile. still....i miss you. :') Happy tears right?
Have you ever found that no matter how hard you try, you always end up hurting the people you love the most ? I mean, you intend to do the right thing but somewhere down the way its twisted and contorted from its form and turned into some grotesque imitation of what it was intended to be. And of course, the one it was intended for can hardly be blamed for not seeing the beauty in it. Its sad how time after time I try so desperately to become a better person and somehow always end up repeating the same old mistakes.Falling over the stones. But I'm not going to let that keep me from trying. Oh no. I'm going to make sure that I let them know in whatever way I can that I love them. that I do care. If the believe me then thats great and if they don't, well I'm still going to keep loving them. Because love is a selfish thing. You don't do it for someone else. No one asks you to fall in love with them. You fall in love because its what YOU want.
I have always maintained that change is inevitable and with that theme in mind, I try to be as open to changes in my life as I can possibly afford to be. However, sometimes the changes are so radical that they surprise me and make me want to just curl up and snuggle back into the warmth of my blanket while murmuring ," Go away stupid world". I was supposed to go meet my parents who are just back from way over the ocean. Seems simple enough but due to a series of horrible coincidences I just wasn't able to. Well on its own that might seems to be not that big a deal but yesterday, the whole insane week came to a ridiculously terrible end. I went to the bus station to go home but there was no bus available. I called my parents and told them I was going back to my flat and would try and catch the bus the next day. Which was fine of course. Loving understanding people both of them. On the way back home, on the metro my sim card got de registered from the network and they coul...
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