Have you ever found that no matter how hard you try, you always end up hurting the people you love the most ? I mean, you intend to do the right thing but somewhere down the way its twisted and contorted from its form and turned into some grotesque imitation of what it was intended to be. And of course, the one it was intended for can hardly be blamed for not seeing the beauty in it. Its sad how time after time I try so desperately to become a better person and somehow always end up repeating the same old mistakes.Falling over the stones. But I'm not going to let that keep me from trying. Oh no. I'm going to make sure that I let them know in whatever way I can that I love them. that I do care. If the believe me then thats great and if they don't, well I'm still going to keep loving them. Because love is a selfish thing. You don't do it for someone else. No one asks you to fall in love with them. You fall in love because its what YOU want.
For the first time i'm at a total loss for words to describe what I feel. I didn't think it possible to feel so much for someone. And I have felt strongly about so many people - my parents, friends, lovers. And yet there comes a leaf blown from the heavens , a soft angelic caress on your cheek that sends a million shivers down your spine and changes the way you look at the world in general. And what do you do when the leaf blows away and all you are left with is the emptiness of the bare walls that you stare into trying to find some kind of hope or reason. It will of course return in time but till then all you can do is shed a glistening tear onto the motionless floor and lay in the creases of your own hollowness. Miss you doesnt quite describe the pain of needless exile. still....i miss you. :') Happy tears right?
Well its that god damn time of the year again when all the bright faced little teens with their bright eyes little lovers flock around holding hands, kissing and basically making a god darn nuisance of themselves.Ofcourse the fact I am omitting from this little rant is that the only reason their imitations of writhing reptiles makes me nauseous in because its almost 14th feb. and I still dont have a date.Damn it! What the hell is wrong here? Its not that I dont try.I guess its just that I dont care enough.Is that wrong somehow? To expect the other person to support the relationship completely? Coz ever since my most recent breakup I have more or less decided any girl who wants to be with me can make up her own goddamn mind and come and tell me.I am NOT spending time and energy on something where the odds of getting a negative response are ridiculously high. No no no no no no... I think I'd much rather just wallow in a bit of self pity.And then eat a nice big bowl of hot chocolate f...
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